seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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