Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
