I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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