i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
