I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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