You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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