remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
