The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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