The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I want her autograph on my taint
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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