I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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