Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Houston, we have a squirter
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
