i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you would pick up someone in the library
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
