I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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