I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
