i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
