Got a toothbrush?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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