I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
