my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
