If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
