Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
