I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
