Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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