yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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