I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
