Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
