You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
