I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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