She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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