Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
