I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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