Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
