i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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