you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she told me i tasted like america
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm having to shit out rocks
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
