Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
