so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
