I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
