EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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