Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
