exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
