My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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