guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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