dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
