Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
