Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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