Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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