I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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