Cold hands, warm shart.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
