9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
