It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
