At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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