I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
