Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
