i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
