That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
