Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
