You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
