there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
