Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
