please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize