'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
