i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
