the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
