went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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