I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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