he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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