where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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