I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
