allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
