i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
