Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
