it wasn't lemon gatorade
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I did not marry a roomba.
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