That's intense
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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