Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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