Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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