you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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