Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize