So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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