and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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