alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
