it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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