I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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