I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
