His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
