I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize