I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
