Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
