i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
