My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I deserve this hangover.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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