turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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