Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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