when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
