I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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